My Top Five Resolutions for 2014

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2014 is here and after having drank and eaten like a pig, it’s time to take good resolutions so you can make your absolutely exciting life a little bit longer every year without being an unhealthy dude with a life expectancy short as burned match. Here are mine. Don’t hesitate to share yours so we can all share our burden here.

Resolution 1

Stop sticking my bogies under my desk until I get them back assembled, metamorphosed and offered by my angrily cleaning woman as an advent candlestick at the end of the year

Resolution 2

Don’t drive the wrong way on the highway after missing the exit. I know it’s bad and can scare other drivers, but you must admit sometimes it’s easier to make a u turn on the highway than driving 40km to get to the next exit. Anyway, I promise, I won’t do it again.

Resolution 3

Clean up the toilet bowl after having shitted and make it look as the WWI stinking trench. I don’t know why, I never thought of using the toilet brush, but now my wife has told me, I promise I will.

Resolution 4

Stop mowing the lawn at night when I can’t get no sleep and I’m boring myself. I don’t why, my neighbours don’t appreciate it much.

Resolution 5

Don’t watch porn websites on my son’s ipad and forget to use the stealth mode. It will prevent my wife to find sexual explicit scenes as she just want to watch the weather forecasts. Every time resulting in a heavy punishment of my son, for I’m such a coward I don’t want to tell her the truth about my highly perverted habit.

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